Perfection / Addiction / Obsession

Perfection - Addiction - Obsession. Are they all the same but just wear different masks? I become obsessed with concepts (examples in the past have been stamp collecting, astronomy, and hockey to name a few), but that obsession always links up with addiction in that I need to expose myself to that topic or medium constantly to satisfy my interest. However, perfection plays a part as well. I will have to have an original piece or I precisely check objects for imperfections, and, if not right, I am haunted by their flaws.

Here are typical, everyday examples of these forces at work in my life:

• Buying the Third - whether music, books, or any product, I always buy the third one on the shelf, unless it is damaged in some way.
• Mustard "S" - when I make a tomato sandwich, I always have to put the mustard on in a "S" shape.
• Minute Details - I always look at the differences between variations like taillights of a 2004 Sedona compared to a 2003 Sedona, and I file them away in my head as I drive.
• Instant Education - when I discover something new that I didn't anything about, I have to learn everything about that topic as quickly as I can.
• Gobble, Gobble - I often will horde all I can of a particular interest so I am comfortable that I have it all.
• Mapping - before I drive anywhere I completely draw the route I will take in my mind and must take that predetermined route precisely.
• Assumed Knowledge - I learn many things, but my brain assumes that everyone knows the material as well so I hardly discuss any epiphanies I have had, although rare exceptions show I have been mistaken.
• Coin Flipping - Often, when I have a wrenching decision to make, I'll flip coins, or anything that has discernible sides, to help aide me in that decision.
• Unfocused View - I did this more as a child, but sometimes do it as an adult. When I spectated some event or activity, I would unfocus my eyes some and stare at the event with utter intensity in hopes of influencing an outcome.
• Whisper Travel - The idea of throwing a whisper into the wind and imagining its complete and detailed travel across the country to its intended destination, such as when the Braves were in the last innings of Game 7 of the World Series in 1991 and I wanted to offer encouragement.

When I think about the examples above I realize that there is nothing wrong with them (they don't really hurt others or myself), but the comparison of how I think "I should be or act" makes me skeptical. We always seem to compare ourselves to what a typical American would do or think, but that concept consists of a false reality and is rather flawed. A mustard "S" makes me me and to try and eliminate it from my life is killing a part of me. Isn't that the tale of America: partial suicides in hopes of a personal, utopian Americana?