Killer Bloggers
It is a little scary finding out that another Blogger.com user has been arrested for murder. This time it is Kevin Ray Underwood in Oklahoma, who killed a little girl, put her body in a plastic tub, and bought meat tenderizer so he could eat her. It makes you wonder about the lackadaisical comments that people fling around on their blog spaces and what is really going on in their minds.
Here is a strange entry he wrote in September 2004:
"The first blog makes me want to kill people. Speaking of killing people, I went back on my Lexapro today. Not because the doctor told me too or anything, but when he took me off of it, I still had five refills left, so I got one today. I've been off of it since May, and I was doing pretty good, until about the last month or so. I'm still not having much of a social phobia problem, but I'm getting depressed again. Yesterday I was really depressed the entire day. I was so depressed yesterday, it was one off those times where I'm so depressed that my chest hurts. I wonder if that happens to anybody else? When I get really depressed that happens to me. Like usual, the main thing I've been getting depressed about lately is my lack of a sex life.
I mean it, I really need a girlfriend. It's not just depressing anymore, it's actually starting to have a negative effect on my mental state I think. For example, my fantasies are just getting weirder and weirder. Dangerously weird. If people knew the kinds of things I think about anymore, I'd probably be locked away. No probably about it, I know I would be."
Here's another entry from February:
"That doesn't stop me from getting drunk occasionally, usually when I'm depressed. Which is a bad idea, because pretty much every time I get drunk, I get depressed, whether I was depressed before I started or not. Pretty much every time I get drunk, I end up punching brick walls, or at least fighting the urge to punch things and freak out. Especially if I'm in a party situation where there's more than two or three people around. Because I can't handle the social interaction, and I get pissed off. Pissed off at myself for not being able to be social, and pissed off at the other people because they can, and pissed off at God for making me be this way. If there is a God. Pretty much the only time I believe in God is when I want to blame Him for something. Or, when I'm really depressed, to cry and beg him to make me better, to make whatever is wrong in my brain go away, so that I can live like a normal person.
That's all I want in life, is to be able to live like a normal person.
I've been really bad again lately. I need to have the doctor write me a prescription for more Lexapro or something, and start taking that again. I wonder if they even still make Lexapro? I checked some of those online pharmacies, to see if I could get it cheaper from Canada or something, but none of them I've looked at have it. They have five or six other antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, but not that one.I've been really bad lately, probably worse than I've ever been.
Except for work, I've hardly left the apartment in close to two months. I keep not going to the store until I'm completely out of stuff to eat and HAVE to go. Until a couple of days ago, I hadn't even taken my trash out in weeks. I could barely even get into my kitchen for all the piles of trash everywhere and on every available counter space. Because along with the social anxiety, this time I seem to have developed a tremendous apathy. I just sit here at the computer every minute of the day, when I'm not at work. A week or so ago, I spent my day off sitting here at the computer, barely moving from the chair, for 14 hours. I just can't make myself do anything, even simple stuff, like pick up something that falls on the floor. I'm like 'Oh, I'll pick that up later, maybe,' and then it lays there for a week."
It is strange to see a blog after the blogger has been arrested because people run there to leave comments on the site about the killer, some against his actions and some supporting him. It is also strange how technology has exposed the mental insights of killers, but it may also bring celebrity and attention to those who seek it. I think Andy Warhol's synopsis of "15 minutes of fame" is shrinking down with the shortening of our attention spans to "30 seconds of fame."
You can read his complete blog here: Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.
Here's his other blog: So You Want to Learn Japanese?
Here is a strange entry he wrote in September 2004:
"The first blog makes me want to kill people. Speaking of killing people, I went back on my Lexapro today. Not because the doctor told me too or anything, but when he took me off of it, I still had five refills left, so I got one today. I've been off of it since May, and I was doing pretty good, until about the last month or so. I'm still not having much of a social phobia problem, but I'm getting depressed again. Yesterday I was really depressed the entire day. I was so depressed yesterday, it was one off those times where I'm so depressed that my chest hurts. I wonder if that happens to anybody else? When I get really depressed that happens to me. Like usual, the main thing I've been getting depressed about lately is my lack of a sex life.
I mean it, I really need a girlfriend. It's not just depressing anymore, it's actually starting to have a negative effect on my mental state I think. For example, my fantasies are just getting weirder and weirder. Dangerously weird. If people knew the kinds of things I think about anymore, I'd probably be locked away. No probably about it, I know I would be."
Here's another entry from February:
"That doesn't stop me from getting drunk occasionally, usually when I'm depressed. Which is a bad idea, because pretty much every time I get drunk, I get depressed, whether I was depressed before I started or not. Pretty much every time I get drunk, I end up punching brick walls, or at least fighting the urge to punch things and freak out. Especially if I'm in a party situation where there's more than two or three people around. Because I can't handle the social interaction, and I get pissed off. Pissed off at myself for not being able to be social, and pissed off at the other people because they can, and pissed off at God for making me be this way. If there is a God. Pretty much the only time I believe in God is when I want to blame Him for something. Or, when I'm really depressed, to cry and beg him to make me better, to make whatever is wrong in my brain go away, so that I can live like a normal person.
That's all I want in life, is to be able to live like a normal person.
I've been really bad again lately. I need to have the doctor write me a prescription for more Lexapro or something, and start taking that again. I wonder if they even still make Lexapro? I checked some of those online pharmacies, to see if I could get it cheaper from Canada or something, but none of them I've looked at have it. They have five or six other antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, but not that one.I've been really bad lately, probably worse than I've ever been.
Except for work, I've hardly left the apartment in close to two months. I keep not going to the store until I'm completely out of stuff to eat and HAVE to go. Until a couple of days ago, I hadn't even taken my trash out in weeks. I could barely even get into my kitchen for all the piles of trash everywhere and on every available counter space. Because along with the social anxiety, this time I seem to have developed a tremendous apathy. I just sit here at the computer every minute of the day, when I'm not at work. A week or so ago, I spent my day off sitting here at the computer, barely moving from the chair, for 14 hours. I just can't make myself do anything, even simple stuff, like pick up something that falls on the floor. I'm like 'Oh, I'll pick that up later, maybe,' and then it lays there for a week."
It is strange to see a blog after the blogger has been arrested because people run there to leave comments on the site about the killer, some against his actions and some supporting him. It is also strange how technology has exposed the mental insights of killers, but it may also bring celebrity and attention to those who seek it. I think Andy Warhol's synopsis of "15 minutes of fame" is shrinking down with the shortening of our attention spans to "30 seconds of fame."
You can read his complete blog here: Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K.
Here's his other blog: So You Want to Learn Japanese?
